watching myself do

Sin, by nature, is deceitful. Whether small and momentary or large and engrained, our sin will seek to avoid being seen for what it really is.

One way this happens is by externalising. Instead of owning the action, we shift the blame onto that person, that circumstance, that situation… Eventually there comes a point of having to surrender and admit it really is us doing it.

That sinful action wasn’t me – until it is.

I’ve heard someone say that in a moment of complete slavery to sin that it felt like they were “watching myself do it”.

It was always someone else, until it was them.

Maybe sin also works in a similar way to keep us from pursuing righteousness?

Maybe sin tries to convince us that being and doing ‘good’ is not really ‘us’. If we do something ‘good’ we were really just faking it.

Maybe pursuing righteousness is faking it until I make it. Pushing through the feeling of “someone else did that good thing – that couldn’t have been me”.

That good person isn’t me – until it is.